Every volunteer leader eventually meets one. The person who is always late, who criticises every decision, who will not follow the rota or who makes others uncomfortable.
You hoped it would sort itself out. It has not. The team is starting to notice, and you are starting to dread the next event.
This article explains how to approach a difficult volunteer conversation in a way that is fair and honest, what to try first, when to take a firmer step and how to end a placement without wrecking the relationship or the team.
Key takeaways
- Start by being clear about what the problem actually is. "Difficult" is a feeling. A behaviour you can describe is something you can discuss.
- Most issues are solved by one private, kind and specific conversation. Delay makes it harder.
- Volunteers are not employees, but they deserve the same fairness: a clear expectation, a chance to respond and a consistent standard.
- Anything involving safety, safeguarding or the law is a different matter. Follow your policy and the rules that apply to you, and do not handle it alone.
Start by defining the problem
When we say someone is difficult, we usually mean one of a few different things. They need different responses.
| What you see | What it might be |
|---|---|
| Late, absent, no replies | Overcommitted, unclear expectations or loss of interest |
| Criticises everything | Feels unheard, or has real concerns that are being expressed badly |
| Will not follow instructions | Does not understand the reason, or disagrees with it |
| Takes over | Wants to help and has not been shown where the limits are |
| Conflict with others | A personal clash, or a genuine conduct issue |
| Behaviour that makes people unsafe or uncomfortable | A serious matter that needs a formal response |
Before you act, write down, for yourself, what has actually happened. Dates, facts and what you saw, not your impression. If you cannot name a specific behaviour, you are not ready for the conversation.
Check your side first
It is uncomfortable but useful to ask:
- Was the expectation clear, and was it ever written down?
- Has this person been trained for the role?
- Are they being asked too often, or at times that do not suit them?
- Is the role a good fit for what they enjoy?
- Has anyone told them that this is a problem?
Many difficult situations are, in part, a result of vague roles, unclear expectations or a mismatch. A clear role description and a short conversation at the start can prevent a lot of them.
Have the conversation early
The longer you wait, the more it will feel like an accusation.
Choose the setting
- In private, never in front of the team.
- At a calm time, not just before or after an event.
- In person or by phone if you can. Sensitive things are easily misread in text.
Open with care
- Start with something genuine you value about them.
- Then be direct: "I want to talk about something that has been happening."
Describe, do not label
- Say "You have arrived after the doors opened on the last three Sundays", not "You are unreliable".
- Say "In Monday's meeting you spoke over two other people", not "You are rude".
Listen
Ask what is going on. There may be something you did not know: a family difficulty, a change in work, a disagreement with another person or a misunderstanding about the role.
Agree what happens next
- Say clearly what you need to see.
- Agree a time to check in.
- Write a short note of what was said, and share it if it helps.
Common situations
Someone who is often late or absent
Ask whether the role still suits them. A different time, a smaller commitment or a lighter role may solve it. If not, be honest that the team relies on them, and that a place where they can commit is better for everyone.
Someone who criticises
First, listen for what is true. Then separate how they speak from what they say. You can accept the concern and still ask for a different way of raising it: "Please bring this to me, not to the team."
Someone who takes over
Give them a real, limited area of responsibility. Many people who take over are looking for more to do.
Someone who will not follow a safety rule
Hold the line. Safety rules are not matters of preference. Explain the reason and the consequence.
Two volunteers in conflict
Speak to each of them separately, listen to both, and then decide whether a joint conversation helps. Do not take sides in the first conversation.
When the first conversation is not enough
If the issue continues:
- Follow up. Have a second conversation, and be specific about what has and has not changed.
- Offer a change. A different role, a break or a reduced commitment.
- State the next step. Be clear about what will happen if the behaviour continues.
- Involve someone else. A second leader, a pastor or a board member, depending on your structure.
- Keep a simple record. Dates, what was said and what was agreed.
Treat people consistently. If one volunteer is asked to leave for a behaviour that another has shown without consequences, it will be seen as unfair, and it often is.
When to end a placement
Sometimes the right outcome is that someone stops. That is not a failure.
- Do it in person where possible, privately and without an audience.
- Be clear, brief and respectful. Say what the decision is and why.
- Thank them for what they gave.
- Do not argue the case again. You have already had the conversation.
- Tell the team only what they need to know, and without detail.
If the behaviour involved safety, safeguarding or the law, follow your organization's policy and the rules that apply to you, and seek advice. Do not try to manage it informally.
Protect the team too
The rest of the team is watching how you handle it.
- Reassure people that concerns are taken seriously, without giving details.
- Do not let one person's behaviour set the tone for the others.
- Thank the people who carried the extra load.
- If the team has been affected, say so, and say what has changed.
How Planify can help
Planify does not replace the conversation, and it is not a conduct tool. It can reduce the situations in which problems grow, and give you facts to work from.
- Clear roles. Positions belong to departments, and a coordinator owns each one. Assignments say plainly who is expected where.
- A simple way to say no. Volunteers confirm or decline with a tap on WhatsApp, so people who cannot come have an easy, honest answer to give instead of going quiet.
- Facts, not impressions. The dashboard shows how many times each member was requested, confirmed and declined, and lists recent declines, so you can base a conversation on what happened.
- Respecting limits. An administrator or coordinator can record an unavailable period, and the planner, open calls and replacement requests respect it.
- Stepping back. A member can be set to inactive, individually or in bulk. Inactive members are left out of the planner, open call invitations, replacement requests and announcements.
Which features you get depends on your plan.
Read next: volunteer burnout: signs, causes and what leaders can do.
FAQ
How do you deal with a difficult volunteer?
Describe the specific behaviour, speak to them privately and early, listen to their side and agree what will change and when you will check in.
Can you fire a volunteer?
You can end a volunteer placement. Do it respectfully, consistently and in private, and follow your own policy. If the issue involves safety, safeguarding or the law, seek advice.
What if the problem is a conflict between two volunteers?
Speak to each one separately first, listen to both and then decide whether a joint conversation is helpful. Avoid taking sides early.
How do you prevent problems with volunteers?
Be clear about the role, match people to tasks they enjoy, train them, ask fairly and have a short conversation early when something starts to drift.